What I am going through

I was going through a lot of things lately. I thought it will be easy once I am out of that monstrous disease but I think I am a changed person now and little things make me feel depressed and worried. My lab in charge tried his best that I don't get appointed but he failed. I still am worried though that the authorities don't know what he does or do they just pretend they don't know? Well I applied for M.Phil in Hematotechnology meanwhile. The result came two days back and I am not selected. Yayy! I wasn't interested in the subject though. Now I have to think about a lot of things whenever I have to take steps like these. Am I even able to do that? How am I going to live there? How will I manage my diet? Who is going to take care of Mom? What if my disease comes back? Should I get married instead? Who is going to marry a transplanted guy? What about going abroad? What will I do there? There are many questions and I am confused. My friends, almost all have gone abroad. Some got married. Some are studying further. Everyday I think about doing something but what ifs keep me back from achieving those things. I discovered a new band Stereophonics a few days back. They are awesome. Oh and I got a new phone Motorola Nexus 6. It's big and its camera is amazing. Thanks to my brother living abroad. I told my mom I am not going to Lahore. I am not selected for the course. She said Alhamdolillah. She wants me to stay. I had started playing basketball again in the evening and now I am sick. This sore throat and cough told me to stay at home. Ok so my mom is sleeping. I don't want her to wake up and say: "So jao har waqt lagay rehtay ho phone ko. Kya nikaalna hai iss main se." So Adios!  

My journey through bone marrow transplant

In 2014, the last year of my bachelors, I was diagnosed with Myelodysplastic Syndrome, a blood transfusion dependent rare disease causing the red blood cells production to cease. I didn't know at that time what I would have to go through. I got blood transfusions, tried different medicines but there was no improvement. The only option I was left with was a bone marrow transplant (an expensive procedure with a lot of complications involving high doses of chemotherapy and transplantation of matched bone marrow)
I remained dependent on blood transfusions (2 bags/month) for one and a half years and was then admitted in Armed Forces Bone Marrow Transplant Centre (Combined Military Hospital) Rawalpindi, Pakistan for bone marrow transplant as my elder brother's bone marrow matched mine. I received high dose of chemotherapy for 10 days and then bone marrow was transfused through the vein.

The transfusion of bone marrow

I lost my hair and my skin went dark. I came smiling but my smile had gone. I couldn't eat and vomited whenever I tried to eat. I lost a lot of weight. Those 28 days in a small four walled room were the worst days of my life. I was finally discharged with a lot of medications and finally got to meet my parents. I had to wear face mask and had to take care as my immunity was zero. I was prone to infections. I had to go for check ups twice a week. I saw patients who couldn't get transplant as they couldn't find a matched marrow. I saw patients lose their lives in the procedure. I saw patients whose transplant didn't work and their condition got worse.

I received another chemotherapy as I was still transfusion dependent and they said my bone marrow was going into post transplant pure red cell aplasia. After some days I got haemorrhagic cystitis as a side effect. There was blood in my urine and I had to go to washroom every five minutes. Along with that I got Cytomegalovirus Infection. I was readmitted for 20 more days. More than 30 cannulas pierced my veins. I saw salts and medications dripping through my veins all day long. I was discharged as I got better. I had lost 10 kg of my weight by that time. I used to think why I had accepted this treatment and why I was chosen for this. After some days my blood counts became better and I was no longer dependent on transfusions. With time my counts kept improving. I got my immunizations after 15 months. I also got another complication called Herpes Zoster infection. I got medications for that and I recovered from that too. Now it has been 21 months since the transplant and I have got a job in my field of Medical Laboratory Technology.

During my illness I lost my father. His prayers kept me alive and strong and made me fight this monstrous disease.
I was lucky to have a doctor (Major General Tariq Mehmood Satti) who was very kind hearted and caring. With time I saw many of my close friends distance themselves from me. I guess smoking was the only thing that kept us together and I gave it up before my transplant.
What I learnt is that if God wants He can save you from so many complications and if He doesn't, you can't live for a single second.
The purpose for writing all this is solely to help those who are going through tough times in their lives and not to brag about my sufferings. Just believe in God and remember that He is the only one who can get you out of your tough times.

I'll miss you dad...

I'll miss you dad...

I'll miss your presence at every step of my life. 

I'll miss you dad when you won't be there to wake me up again and again on fajar prayer. 

I'll miss you dad when you won't be there to wake up early in the morning for tahajjud and crying before the creator. 

I'll miss travelling with you to Qadian for Jalsa. 

I'll miss the moments we shared while watching TV and eating peanuts. 

I'll miss you dad when you won't be there with us on Eid as we enjoyed it in the village only because of you. 

I'll miss you dad when I won't recieve your calls asking about the reports after check-up, asking about the whereabouts during my journeys. 

I'll miss you dad whenever I will have to make decisions in future. 

I'll miss you dad whenever I'll achieve something in life because you will not be there to appreciate and I won't be able to see that beautiful smile on your face. 

I'll miss you dad when I will start to earn and I won't be able to show and hand over all my income to you.

I'll miss you dad whenever I will be with my friends late night and you will not be there to ask me to come home early and tell me that it worries you and makes you sleepless when I am not home. 

I'll miss you dad, when I will not see your bicycle outside the office and accepting the bitter reality that I will not see it in the future too. 

You left us, especially me so early. I needed you. You were my strength. You brought me up in the best way possible. It was time to prove what I learnt from you but now you are not there. Everything seems so difficult without you. 

It still seems like you are somewhere abroad for work and you will come back through the kitchen door with a smile on your face, saying salam and asking how was everything without you? 

At that I'll burst into tears and say, "Don't you ever leave us again!" :'-(

Good-bye Taya Jaan

Good bye Taya jaan! May Allah grant my Taya Abdullah a highest place in heaven. You were an amazing man. 

How you treated me like a friend. 

Whenever I met him on Eid, he gave me Eidi and used to say, "I can't forget how you served us and helped us in Qadian in 2005." 

     Taya Abdul Qadir (on the left) and Taya Abdullah (on the right) in white turbans. (Qadian, 2005) 

Whenever I went to village, he said the same thing. He was always thankful to me for that little service. 

He was kind to all his sons and daughters, to his brothers and sisters and to all his friends. He served as Sadr Jamaat in our village. He was always the first one to enter the mosque for fajar prayer. Although he was aged but he used to open the locked door of mosque himself and offered Nawafil in the early morning when everyone was asleep. He was always worried about Jamaat. 

My chacha told me how he asked him about Chanda Waqf-e-Jadeed in the last few days of his life. How he was so worried about that. 

I must say he was a saint. There will be no person who won't admit his kindness by just meeting him once. 

Today, I went to village, everyone was sad and talking good about him.  

I remember when I met him on Eid-ul-Azha, he prayed for me and told me that we should pray for each other. He told me that I will be healthy and fit. 

There are some people we are sure in our life that God will be happy from them. My taya jaan was one of them. 

May Allah enable his family to be patient and follow his footsteps and May Allah bless his soul. Ameen! 

Happy Independence Day

(It is said that in Quaid e Azam's Pakistan, Jogendranath Mandal (Hindu) Minister of Law, 

Sir Zafarullah Khan (Ahmadi) Minister of Foreign Affairs and Alvin Robert Cornelius (Christian) were

Chief Justice of Pakistan?)

The land that was founded on the grounds that Muslims were unable to lead their lives according to the teachings of Islam and was founded on the grounds that minorities could live freely and pass their lives calmly according to their teachings. Yes! I am talking about my land, my country Pakistan.

Muslims ruled the subcontinent for a long time and when their downfall came and they saw that they were deprived of their rights, they needed a new land. So we got Pakistan because our rights were not being fulfilled in the subcontinent and our culture was different.

We even promised minorities that their rights would be given to them and invited them to join our beloved Pakistan.

Now what we have done to our people? 

These so called politicians have ruined our land, snatched away the rights of its own citizens by passing rules against them. Protecting the extremists on every level by modifying the laws, giving them time to spread hatred towards others, fearing them, protecting them and hiding behind them. 

Whenever some Muslim kills a person from a minority, he accuses him of blasphemy law and walks free! 

People are dying because of their beliefs and because of hunger, thirst and floods but our priorities are building roads, increasing taxes, indulging in the acts that result in nothing but waste of time and giving more time to these promising and looting politicians. 

We sit all day long watching news channels, watching these politicians fighting and accusing each other, watching them fight over old cases and doing nothing but wasting our time! 

What we are not doing is the fulfillment of the promise on which this land was found. Rights of minorities have been snatched away. People have to hide their beliefs in this Quaid's land which was founded in the name of religion. They have to face hatred from the majority on every level. 

Still, instead of demanding a new land, minorities are ready to live in this country with the haters and  demand their rights in a peaceful away, even though they have lost their loved ones in the name of religion and are still losing them even today.

Happy Independence Day to you dear politicians and dear religious hate-inciting-so-called-scholars. The day will come when the people of Pakistan will rise and on that day Pakistan will be the land for all to live peacefully and you will be punished by God for your evil acts, sins and damage you have done to the citizens of this land. 

PAKISTAN ZINDABAD!

Life of a Patient

I was away from blogging for some while as I was busy finding a story. So, finally I have found one.

A story of a boy who stayed about 28 days in the hospital in the same room.

After having many blood transfusions for almost one and a half year he was finally admitted to the hospital for the bone marrow transplant procedure for his treatment of blood cancer.

They inserted the CV line (catheter placed into a large vein in the neck) on the first day.

The next day, a barber came and told him he needed a hair cut because his hair were eventually going to fall. So he got all his hair removed from the head. He was still looking a bit handsome with bald head and a light beard that he also lost after the transplant.

Next day they started chemotherapy that lasted for three consecutive days. 29 tablets along with intravenous infusions and intravenous injections.

He had to go to bathroom every 20 minutes for urination along with the stand carrying the infusions that made him so much tired.

Then came a day of rest. That wasn't actually a day of rest for him. It was the day he started having side effects. Diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite etc.

He then got chemotherapy for another 4 days. Those were the bad days for him. Doctors used to call him a good patient from his smile but he turned out to be a sad one for them after the side effects.

Then came the day of transplant. They took 1 litre of bone marrow from his brother and transfused into his body through the CV line. They said it was his new birthday.

Then he waited for two more weeks for the new bone marrow to work. Finally it started working and he was discharged.

That day was the happiest day of his life.

Now he goes for check up twice every week. He is taking about 20 tablets daily now.

He can't eat his favorite pizzas, burgers or tikkas and can't hangout with his friends.

During his stay he hated every helper that came into his room. They bothered him a lot.

These were the sentences that made him hate them:
"Get up! We have to change the bed sheets."
"Go take a bath and change your clothes. We have to get them washed."

Breakfast at 7:00, Tea break at 10:00, Lunch at 12:30, Dinner at 18:00. Along with those impossible eating times for him and with lost appetite he had to listen them saying:

"Eat early! We have to return the dishes!" :@

He is not allowed to work or hangout too much in public places but he still looks motivated.

He has hope that in the cell in which he is fighting the disease, he will make the disease tap-out and make himself walk out that cell winning the fight like a hero. 

Hope

There he was, lying on his bed, thinking about his past. How he was so free in his childhood. He was the youngest in all his siblings. He got whatever he wished for. Everybody loved him. He grew up and started making plans to make his life better. He was aware that in order to live a great life he should be working hard. He was a good athlete. He was a good learner too. When he was about to achieve his first step towards success, he got ill. He was a planner and he had planned his life and wanted to achieve every goal. But he was ill. A player, a learner, a dreamer had his life stucked. He couldn't move on. Whenever he tried to made his mind towards achieving something, he thought about his illness which was a very big hurdle in his path. Doctors had forbidden him from working.

He is still in that state. He can't do anything but to wait for the miracle to happen. All his plans are doomed. His life is stucked just as the clock stops ticking. He is still hopeful that the miracle will happen. Hope is the thing that only strong people can believe upon. He just doesn't want to give up. He challenges the life everyday.

The only thing that kills him is that he is stucked and he can't move on.

Still, he has hope. He has hope in the one who created him. He is strong in his belief that if He can give him pain, He is much more powerful to take it away!