What I am going through

I was going through a lot of things lately. I thought it will be easy once I am out of that monstrous disease but I think I am a changed person now and little things make me feel depressed and worried. My lab in charge tried his best that I don't get appointed but he failed. I still am worried though that the authorities don't know what he does or do they just pretend they don't know? Well I applied for M.Phil in Hematotechnology meanwhile. The result came two days back and I am not selected. Yayy! I wasn't interested in the subject though. Now I have to think about a lot of things whenever I have to take steps like these. Am I even able to do that? How am I going to live there? How will I manage my diet? Who is going to take care of Mom? What if my disease comes back? Should I get married instead? Who is going to marry a transplanted guy? What about going abroad? What will I do there? There are many questions and I am confused. My friends, almost all have gone abroad. Some got married. Some are studying further. Everyday I think about doing something but what ifs keep me back from achieving those things. I discovered a new band Stereophonics a few days back. They are awesome. Oh and I got a new phone Motorola Nexus 6. It's big and its camera is amazing. Thanks to my brother living abroad. I told my mom I am not going to Lahore. I am not selected for the course. She said Alhamdolillah. She wants me to stay. I had started playing basketball again in the evening and now I am sick. This sore throat and cough told me to stay at home. Ok so my mom is sleeping. I don't want her to wake up and say: "So jao har waqt lagay rehtay ho phone ko. Kya nikaalna hai iss main se." So Adios!